michaelboy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
michaelboy) wrote2022-12-18 09:22 pm
michaelboy) wrote2022-12-18 09:22 pm
Alone vis-à-vis Lonely
Some people are often lonely,
Even people that are seldom alone.
Some people are seldom lonely,
Even people that are often alone.
* * *
This afternoon, I went to visit a friend who recently lost his wife. We've been meeting about once a week to talk. He says "You've been through this" but really everyone's grief is unique. Notwithstanding, I do hope to help him feel less lonely. We talked about the lake, health, the neighborhood, tractors, equipment, tools, and finally grief.
It reminded me of why I loved the hospital and volunteering in the ER. Several years ago there I met a man, who at eighty-eight, had just lost his wife of sixty-plus years. He told me that it was difficult for him to keep up with things. For instance, she knew how to keep the flowers in the yard but they had grown into just a big tangled mess. He lamented that often got an idea to do various activities or get together with people but it felt just “too damn lonely” to do so. He cried several times as we talked.
It’s hard to know what to say in these situations because everyone’s loss is different. What I did offer to this man was something like this:
Imagine your wife is still checking up on you every day – and try to honor what she would have wished for you by living your life in ways that would make her proud of you. In other words, her voice will always be in your heart, and it will help to listen to it.
We talked for nearly half an hour and eventually he started smiling with the thought that his wife “would be scolding him just about now”. I mentioned that being connected with folks is one of the best medicines available and just look what we had accomplished in less than an hour.
Folks can be lonely for a multitude of reasons - death of a loved one, abandonment, addiction, depression, lack of support, isolation, health, intimacy issues, etc. It's so important and to our own benefit to try and be sensitive to what others might be facing even when it may not be readily apparent.
I remember after several major strokes, my dad ended up in a VA nursing facility and when I would take the kids to visit, we would often see him by himself in a room endlessly tracing the border of the tray on his geriatric chair. The way his mind had been reduced prevented him from having much real interaction and it always broke my heart to walk into that room and see lonely like that.
"The silence of a falling star
lights up a purple sky.
And as I wonder where you are
I'm so lonesome I could cry."
~Hank Williams
Even people that are seldom alone.
Some people are seldom lonely,
Even people that are often alone.
* * *
This afternoon, I went to visit a friend who recently lost his wife. We've been meeting about once a week to talk. He says "You've been through this" but really everyone's grief is unique. Notwithstanding, I do hope to help him feel less lonely. We talked about the lake, health, the neighborhood, tractors, equipment, tools, and finally grief.
It reminded me of why I loved the hospital and volunteering in the ER. Several years ago there I met a man, who at eighty-eight, had just lost his wife of sixty-plus years. He told me that it was difficult for him to keep up with things. For instance, she knew how to keep the flowers in the yard but they had grown into just a big tangled mess. He lamented that often got an idea to do various activities or get together with people but it felt just “too damn lonely” to do so. He cried several times as we talked.
It’s hard to know what to say in these situations because everyone’s loss is different. What I did offer to this man was something like this:
Imagine your wife is still checking up on you every day – and try to honor what she would have wished for you by living your life in ways that would make her proud of you. In other words, her voice will always be in your heart, and it will help to listen to it.
We talked for nearly half an hour and eventually he started smiling with the thought that his wife “would be scolding him just about now”. I mentioned that being connected with folks is one of the best medicines available and just look what we had accomplished in less than an hour.
Folks can be lonely for a multitude of reasons - death of a loved one, abandonment, addiction, depression, lack of support, isolation, health, intimacy issues, etc. It's so important and to our own benefit to try and be sensitive to what others might be facing even when it may not be readily apparent.
I remember after several major strokes, my dad ended up in a VA nursing facility and when I would take the kids to visit, we would often see him by himself in a room endlessly tracing the border of the tray on his geriatric chair. The way his mind had been reduced prevented him from having much real interaction and it always broke my heart to walk into that room and see lonely like that.
"The silence of a falling star
lights up a purple sky.
And as I wonder where you are
I'm so lonesome I could cry."
~Hank Williams
no subject
the vacant disconnection of older family members when we visit and try to comfort them is the hardest thing. just want so desperately to fix it. was walking (on crutches) in the park with my brother yesterday, where we used to take mom every week (or, I did) for walks, and i was trying to embrace the aspects of sweetness of her last few years, how she was just so grateful for the sky and the trees and the sounds of the park, such simple delights that she would embrace whole-heartedly. i wish so much that her final years could have been different, and it's mostly just painful to think about her deterioration - i'm not sure if those small joyful moments are enough to counteract the pain, but i try to honor them anyway. it's all i have, times like this. she was so good at making holidays magical, we miss her so much.
no subject
no subject